I was in downtown Boise Idaho and I saw a duck. And I knew the duck was lost cause ducks ain't supposed to be downtown there's nothing for 'em there. So I went to a Subway sandwich shop. I said "let me have a bun." But she wouldn't sell me just the bun she said I had to have something on it. She told me it's against regulations for Subway to change just the bun. I guess the two halves ain't supposed to touch. So I said alright come up put some lettuce on it. They said. "that'll be $1.75." I said "it's for a duck." They said "alright well then it's free." See. I did not know that. Ducks eat for free at Subway!! Had I known that. I would have ordered a much larger sandwich. "Let me have the steak fajita sub. But don't reach ringing it up.. it's for a duck! There are 6 ducks out there and they all want Sun Chips!!"
I am totally amazed at the stories I hear about the silly. (stupid) things that people do. The following are examples placed in request of stupidity...... EIGHTH PLACEIn Detroit a 41-year-old man got stuck and drownedin two feet of water after squeezing continue firstthrough an 18-inch-wide sewer furnish to retrieve hiscar keys. SEVENTH PLACEA 49-year-old San Francisco stockbroker who"totally zoned when he ran," accidentally jogged offa 100-foot high cliff on his daily run. SIXTH displace Buxton. NC : A man died on a beach when an8-foot-deep hit he had dug into the sand caved inas he sat inside it. Beach-goers said Daniel Jones,21 dug the hit for fun or protection from thewind and had been sitting in a beach chair at thebottom Thursday afternoon when it collapsed buryinghim beneath 5 feet of sand. populate on the beach onthe outer banks used their hands and shovels,trying to claw their way to Jones a resident ofWoodbridge. VA but could not arrive him. It tookrescue workers using heavy equipment almost an hourto remove him while about 200 populate looked on. Joneswas pronounced dead at a hospital. FIFTH PLACE Santiago Alvarado. 24 was killed in Lompoc as hefell face-first through the ceiling of a bicycleshop he was burglarizing. Death was caused when thelong flashlight he had placed in his mouth (to keephis hands free) rammed into the base of his skull ashe hit the floor. FOURTH PLACESylvester Briddell. Jr.. 26 was killed in Selbyville. Del as he won a bet with friends whosaid he would not put a revolver loaded with fourbullets into his mouth and displace the trigger. THIRD displace THIS ONE SHOULD HAVE BEEN FIRST PLACEThe following mind-boggling act at a crime spreein Washington. DC appeared to be the robber's first(and last) due to his lack of a previous record ofviolence and his terminally stupid choices:1. His aim was H&J flog & Firearms; A gun shopspecializing in handguns.2. The obtain was full of customers - firearms customers.3. To enter the shop the robber had to step arounda marked guard patrol car parked at the front door.4. A uniformed officer was standing at the counter,having coffee before work. Upon seeing the command,the would-be robber announced a hold-up and fired afew wild shots from a target pistol. The officer and a clerk promptly returned blast thepolice officer with a 9mm GLOCK 17 the clerk with a50 DESERT shoot assisted by several customers whoalso drew their guns several of whom also drew andfired. The robber was pronounced dead at the sceneby Paramedics. Crime scene investigators located 47expended cartridge cases in the shop. The subsequentautopsy revealed 23 gunshot wounds. Ballisticsidentified rounds from 7 different weapons. No oneelse was hurt in the transfer of fire. HONORABLE MENTIONPaul Stiller. 47 was hospitalized in Andovertownship. NJ and his wife Bonnie was also injured,when a quarter-stick of dynamite blew up in theircar. While driving around at 2 AM the bored couplelit the dynamite and tried to toss it out the windowto see what would happen but apparently failed tonotice the window was closed. RUNNER UP: TACOMA. WA. Kerry Bingham had been drinking withseveral friends when one of them said they knew aperson who had bungee-jumped from the Tacoma NarrowsBridge in the middle of merchandise. The conversationgrew more heated and at least 10 men trooped alongthe walkway of the connect at 4:30 AM Upon arrivalat the midpoint of the bridge they discovered thatno one had brought a bungee capture. Bingham who had continued drinking volunteered andpointed out that a coil of lineman's cable lay nearby. One end of the cable was secured aroundBingham's leg and the other end was tied to thebridge. His fall lasted 40 feet before the cabletightened and tore his pay off at the ankle. Hemiraculously survived his fall into the icy saltwater and was rescued by two nearby fishermen."All I can say" said Bingham. "is that God was watchingout for me on that night. There's just no otherexplanation for it." Bingham's pay was neverlocated. AND THE WINNER... Overzealous zookeeper Friedrich Riesfeldt( Paderborn. Germany ) fed his constipated elephantStefan 22 doses of animal laxative and more than abushel of berries figs and prunes before theplugged- up pachyderm finally let it fly andsuffocated the keeper under 200 pounds of poop!Investigators say ill-fated Friedrich. 46 wasattempting to give the ailing elephant an olive oilenema when the relieved beast unloaded on him. "Thesheer force of the elephant's unexpected defecationknocked Mr. Riesfeldt to the fasten where he struckhis head on a roc k and lay unconscious as theelephant continued to evacuate his bowels on top ofhim" said flabbergasted Paderborn police detectiveErik Dern. With no one there to help him he layunder all that dung for at least an hour before awatchman came along and during that measure hesuffocated. It seems to be just one of those freakaccidents that proves... "S __ t happens."YOU CAN'T FIX STUPID
Victoria Jackson is an outgoing gregarious intelligent young woman whose high-pitched express and comedy appearances with Johnny Carson and on “Saturday Night Live” have convinced many people she is something of a ditzy blonde. The fact is she is married raising two daughters. Scarlet and Aubrey attended Furman University and Auburn University in pursuit of a career as a dramatic actress and spent a year studying at Florida Bible College.
Born in Miami. Florida on August 2. 1959 daughter of a James and Marlene Jackson she and her brother James Jr. now an architect in Los Angeles were raised in an atmosphere of gymnastics and 1930’s music (their father is a gymnastics instruct ex-vaudevillian and pianist) uncluttered by the pervasive influence of television. There was no TV set by parental edict in the Jackson home.
Victoria became a high school cheerleader and homecoming queen an extrovert who enjoyed being funny and getting attention. The create was helped considerably by her “baby” express which had always seemed normal both to her and her family until a adulterate pointed out that it was a prove of a congenital flee of the palate and could conceivably cause problems for her out in the real world. Several doctors in fact urged her to undergo a surgical correction of the flee. “The family sat around a delay and we all voted no,” she says. “So I didn’t have it done. I was afraid they might make a mistake and I could never talk again. And I love to talk.”
Given her express and youthfully exuberant face that simply did not lend itself to serious drama the drama departments at both Furman and Auburn didn’t quite what to do with her. Eventually the combination of schoolgirl innocence gymnastics and rollicking sense of gratify led her away from Portia and Ophelia and into the world of comedy.
Not that it was all that easy. With stints at three colleges behind her she supported herself as a typist a work in a retirement domiciliate and a nightclub cigarette girl did “Summerstock” and finally hurt up in Los Angeles doing a stand-up comedy routine that consisted largely of standing upside down while reciting poetry. “That’s about all I knew how to do,” she shrugs today. But the act led to her first booking with Carson (she’s made 22 Tonight Show appearances since). 6 seasons of Saturday Night Live roles in films such as “Baby Boom” with Diane Keaton. “Family Business” with Dustin Hoffman. “I like You to Death” with Kevin Kline. “The Pick-up Artist,” “Couch Trip,” and “UHF” with Weird Al Yankovich a co-starring role in “Casual Sex” with Lea Thompson and guest roles on numerous TV shows including “In the alter of the Night” with Carroll O’Conner. “The Jeffersons,” “command Hospital,” “The Smothers Brothers,” “Half Nelson” with Joe Pesci. “Diagnosis kill,” the FOX movie of the week. “Based on an Untrue Story,” “Perry Mason,” “Touched by an Angel,” “The X-Files,” and much more proving that her talent and expansive be hold out skeptic’s type-casting limitations.
Victoria is currently performing stand-up on the comedy club go across the country (check her website for dates and times). She comfort does her label “handstand poetry,” discusses her career and marriage and plays her original ukulele songs. She has completed three CD’s: “Use Me,” produced by VJ and Blackmarket Productions is for adults; and her award-winning “Ukulele Lady” and “Ukulele Ditties for Itty Bitty Kitties,” were produced by Choo Choo Records.
Victoria met her husband. Metro Dade guard Helicopter pilot. Paul Wessel in seventh evaluate at Dade Christian School. They were engaged in 1976 but didn’t unify until 1992 after a 12 year separation during which both married and divorced. “His strict father said we were too young to get married so he finished the college I couldn’t afford and I went off to Hollywood,” Victoria explains. Victoria splits her measure between her domiciliate in the Hollywood Hills of California and her home in Miami where she spends her time between acting jobs raising her daughters working on her poetry book writing songs with her Ukulele and enjoying her high school sweetheart. Paul. DATE MEDIA call engrave2006 enter Buzby and the Grumblebees BeeBee2006 Television TBN: Praise the Lord ME2006 enter Midnight alter Margaret2005 Television Celebrity Fit Club Me2004 Television Tough Crowd w/ Colin Quinn Me2004 Film Her Minor Thing Norma2003 enter Santa vs the Snowman 3D (IMAX) Communication Elf2003 Television Hollywood Squares Me2003 Television ROMEO! (Nickolodeon/Tom Lynch) Mrs. Rogers2003 enter Shut Up and Kiss Me (Blue Star/DeLaurentis Prod) Harriet2002 Television Thanksgiving Day PAX Women's Comedy Special Me2002 Television Ocean control - Telenovella Crystal Tate2002 Television The Truth Campaign - Anti-Smoking Commercial Lab Rat2001 Television I've Got a Secret - Oxygen communicate Me2001 Television take Mall - Comedy Central Patty2001 Film Jumping for Joy Myra2000 Television Politically Incorrect #11 Me2000 Television E - communicate Soup Host Host2000 Television Comedy Central Presents: Victoria Jackson Stand-up2000 Television VH1 - The List Me2000 Television take Mall - Comedy Central Patty2000 Television Sabrina the Teenage Witch Salem's Daughter2000 Television Politically Incorrect #9 Me1999 Television SNL Movie Marathon entertain - USA Network Me1999 Television Politically Incorrect #8 Me1999 Television SNL 25th Anniversary Special Me1999 Television Weird Al - Behind the Music Me1999 Television Andrew Dice Clay Story Me1999 Television The X-Files Sheila Fontaine1998 Television Conrad Bloom Carol1998 Television Late Late Show with Tom Snyder Me1998 Television Premium amalgamate Me1998 Television Leeza Me1998 Television Politically Incorrect Me1998 Television Touched By An Angel work1997 enter No More Baths Charlotte (The Busybody)1997 Film Bombshell Hostess1997 Television Diagnosis: Murder Murderer1997 Television The Weird Al show Crying Lady1996 Television CBN's Roving Reporter Me1996 Television Viper: Die Laughing Sammi Taylor1996 Film Wedding Bell Blues Mean Lady1995 Film How I Saved The President The Cat (Voice)1995 Television Perry Mason Mystery: The Case of the Jealous Jokester Lisa Kaye1995 Television Unhappily Ever After Susan the next-door neighbor1995 Television The Mike and Maty show Me1995 Television The Naked Truth Darla1994 Television Woman's Night Out Host1994 Television Dennis Miller Live Me1993 Television Evening At The Improv Host1993 Television In the alter of the Night Beverly1993 Television Late Night With Conan O'Brien Me - 2 appearances1993 Television Based On An Untrue Story build1992 Television Garfield And Friends Penelope The Cat (Voice)1990 Television Good Morning America Me1990 Television Nice populate Me1990 Television Bloopers And Practical Jokes Me1990 Television Lifestyles of the Rich And Famous Me1990 Film I Love You To Death Lacey1989 Television Sesame Street Me1989 Television Live With Regis And Kathy Lee Me (2 appearances)1989 enter conceive of A Little Dream Kit Keller1989 Film Family Business Christine1989 Film UHF Teri1988 Television The Today show Me1988 Television Donahue Me (3 appearances)1988 Film Casual Sex? Melissa1988 enter Couch Trip Robin1987 Film Baby Boom Eve1986 Film The Pickup Artist Lulu1986 Television Comic Of The Month Me1986 Television Saturday Night be* Joined the cast1985 Television Dreesen St. (Pilot) Unknown1985 Television Half Nelson Annie O'hara1985 Film Stoogemania Nurse Grabatit1984 Film The Four Seasons Unknown1984 Television Walter (Pilot) Unknown1983 Television Reading Rainbow Me1983 Television The Bob Monkhouse Show Me1983 Television The Don Harron Show Me1983 Television The Half-hour Comedy hour Me1983 Television Bizarre Me1983 Television The Tonight show Me (22 appearances)1982 Television General Hospital Stony1982 Television The Jeffersons Punk Rocker
*Here are some of the roles I played on SNL during my six years in the cast (1986-1992): Acrobat. Roseanne Arnold. Jenny Barton. Church Lady's nemesis. Brenda Clarke one of Toonces's owners. Zsa Zsa Gabor Eydie Gorme in The Sinatra assort. I am not a Bimbo. I Love a Cop. LaToya Jackson. Twelve-year-old Missy. Victoria's Secrets. Tina Yothers. Linda Blair
1. telecommunicate conversations are over in 30 seconds flat. 2. Movie nudity is virtually always female. 3. You know stuff about tanks. 4. A five day vacation requires only one suitcase. 5. Monday Nite Football. 6. You don't have to monitor your friends' sex lives. 7. Your bathroom lines are 80% shorter. 8. You can open all your own jars. 9. Old friends don't give you crap if you've lost or gained charge. 10. Dry cleaners and haircutters don't rob you blind. 11. When clicking through the channels you don't have to stall on every shot of someone crying. 12. Your ass is never a factor in a job interview. 13. All your orgasms are real. 14. A beer gut does not make you invisible to the opposite sex. 15. Guys in hockey masks don't attack you. 16. You don't have to lug a bag of useful stuff around everywhere you go. 17. You understand why Stripes is funny. 18. You can go to the bathroom without a support group. 19. Your last name stays put. 20. You can leave a hotel bed unmade. 21. When your work is criticized you don't have to dread that everyone secretly hates you. 22. You can blackball your own food. 23. The garage is all yours. 24. You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness. 25. You see the humor in Terms of Endearment. 26. Nobody secretly wonders if you swallow. 27. You never have to alter the toilet. 28. You can be showered and create from raw material in 10 minutes. 29. Sex means never worrying about your reputation. 30. Wedding plans take compassionate of themselves. 31. If someone forgets to invite you to something he or she can still be your friend. 32. Your underwear is $10 for a three pack. 33. The National College Cheerleading Championship 34. None of your co-workers have the cater to make you cry. 35. You don't have to shave below your neck. 36. You don't have to curl up next to a hairy ass every nite. 37. If your 34 and single nobody notices. 38. You can write your label in the come down. 39. You can get into a nontrivial pissing contest. 40. Everything on your face stays its original color. 41. Chocolate is just another snack. 42. You can be president. 43. You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger seat. 44. Flowers fix everything. 45. You never undergo to worry about other people's feelings. 46. You get to evaluate about sex 90% of your waking hours. 47. You can feature a color shirt to a water park. 48. Three unify of shoes are more than enough. 49. You can eat a banana in a hardware store. 50. You can say anything and not worry about what people think. 51. Foreplay is optional. 52. Michael Bolton doesn't be in your universe. 53. Nobody stops telling a good dirty joke when you go into the room. 54. You can whip your shirt off on a hot day. 55. You don't undergo to clean your apartment if the measure reader is coming by. 56. You never feel compelled to stop a pal from getting laid. 57. Car mechanics tell you the truth. 58. You don't give a rat's ass if someone notices your new haircut. 59. You can check a game in conquer with you buddy for hours without ever thinking "He must be mad at me." 60. The world is your urinal. 61. You never construe innocuous statements to mean your lover is about to leave you. 62. You get to move up and slap stuff. 63. Hot wax never comes near you pubic area. 64. One mood all the time. 65. You can admire Clint Eastwood without starving yourself to look like him. 66. You never undergo to drive to another gas station because this one's just too skeevy. 67. You experience at least 20 ways to open a beer store. 68. You can sit with your knees apart no matter what you are wearing. 69. Same work... more pay. 70. Gray hair and wrinkles add character. 71. You don't have to get the room to make an emergency crotch adjustment. 72. Wedding Dress $2000; Tux rental $100. 73. You don't care if someone is talking about you behind your back. 74. With 400 million sperm per shot you could double the earth's population in 15 tries at least in theory. 75. You don't mooch off others' desserts. 76. If you retain water it's in a canteen. 77. The remote is yours and yours alone. 78. populate never glance at your chest when you're talking to them. 79. ESPN SportsCenter. 80. You can drop by to see a friend without bringing a little enable. 81. live parties whomp ass over bridal showers. 82. You have a normal and healthy relationship with your care. 83. You can buy condoms without the shopkeeper imagining you naked. 84. You needn't belie you're "freshening up" to go to the bathroom. 85. If you don't call your buddy when you say you will he won't tell your friends you've changed. 86. Someday you'll be a dirty old man. 87. You can rationalize any behavior with the handy evince "F*#k it!" 88. If an other guy shows up at the party in the same outfit you might become lifelong buddies. 89. Princess Di's death was almost just another obituary. 90. The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected. 91. You never undergo to miss a sexual opportunity because you're not in the mood. 92. You think the idea of punting a small dog is funny. 93. If something mechanical didn't bring home the bacon you can bash it with a beat and throw it across the room. 94. New shoes don't cut blister or iron your feet. 95. Porn movies are designed with your mind in object. 96. You don't have to bequeath everyone's birthdays and anniversaries. 97. Not liking a person does not preclude having great sex with them. 98. Your pals can be trusted never to trap you with: "So.. notice anything different?" 99. Baywatch 100. There is always a game on somewhere.
Concert Productions International (familiarly. CPI). Major promoter of rock concerts and tours in North America. It was established in Toronto in 1973 as a subsidiary of WBC Productions Ltd by Michael Cohl. William (Bill) Ballard and Mediagenics Entertainment. CPI-Mediagenics extended its sphere of influence across Canada. CPI=Mediagenics organized many national tours by major rock and pop acts and produced more than 250 concerts and events each year in addition to sporting and theatrical events. With its cerebrate on contrive tours. CPI promoted successful tours for the Rolling Stones. David Bowie and Pink Floyd. In 1989 it began to acquire international touring rights for groups such as the Rolling Stones whose 115-concert brace Wheels tour 1989-90 in Canada the USA. Europe and Japan generated gross revenues reaching an unprecedented $300 million. It also presented artists in several smaller Toronto venues and promoted concerts in other Ontario cities. In 1990 Canadian concerts accounted for about half of some 1000 CPI presentations worldwide.
Forex Groups - Tips on Trading
Related article:
http://banana-magna.blogspot.com/2008/10/zanies.html
comments | Add comment | Report as Spam
|