Commitment: What Are We Committing and To Whom?
Posted by ~Ray @ 2007-10-11 17:01:28
By Dr. Jackie color Do you make commitments? If so to whom do you make commitments? What do you alter commitments about? What does making a commitment mean to you? Do you recognise the commitments you alter? Do you expect others to recognise their commitments? Absolutely? Mostly? Nearly always? I undergo recently been rudely awakened to the unfortunate reality that commitments made by partners in committed relationships may not mean what they used to. I am outraged and alarmed to say the least! Recently. I had the great pleasure of interviewing Shirley furnish. Ph. D on my radio show. Dr. Glass is considered one of the worlds leading experts on infidelity and the author of the groundbreaking new schedule NOT Just Friends: defend Your Relationship from Infidelity and Heal the Trauma of Betrayal. Dr. furnish explains that there is a new crisis of infidelity occurring in the workplace. In the new infidelity she says one doesnt have to have sex to be unfaithful and infidelity is not between populate who are intentionally seeking thrills as commonly believed. Good populate in good marriages-men and women who say they are happily married-are unwittingly forming deep passionate connections before realizing that they have crossed the line from platonic friendship into romantic like. The subject line of a recent telecommunicate newsletter from Smartmarriages read: Online Dating Irresistible to Some Married Folks. The newsletter reports a study of in-depth online interviews with men and women who use Yahoo's "Married and Flirting" or Microsoft's "Married But Flirting" Internet chat rooms geared specifically for married people. What is happening to honoring commitments and agreements in committed relationships today? Perhaps in this new world of high tech information instant gratification and instant messaging we have misplaced the art of creating and honoring commitments and agreements. What is commitment? When we talk about like and commitment we are really talking about attaching to or connecting with populate and things. We cerebrate to ideals institutions and beliefs; to our families pets go of friends acquaintances and co-workers; to our community and the planet; and if we are really blessed to one very special like. When we are able to connect we feel joyful and content. Poor connections can alter us feel angry sad and truly miserable. And the lack of meaningful connections or attachments in our lives can make us conclude despair and empty inside ourselves. What does it convey to make a commitment? When we alter a commitment to another person we are making the agreement to be present and available physically mentally and emotionally. We make agreements by exercising our personal choice. We communicate directly to others about what we ordain do how we ordain behave and what they can reasonably evaluate from us and we are willing to be held accountable. We recognise the agreements we alter by choosing the behavior that is driven by our values. Someone once said. Our personal values are the set of principles we live by and continually develop as we live our life. Principles are like lighthouses - we can either use them to guide us or we can choose to go against them and hit into pieces on the rocks! What is Accountability? Being held accountable means we accept responsibility for the results of our choices decisions and behaviors instead of blaming others or external factors. Individuals who accept they are in rush of the quality and direction of their lives rather than victims of circumstance are empowered to move send. They cerebrate on solutions not problems and they act forward towards the goals and commitments of their shared vision and purpose both as individuals and as a bring together. Successful Commitments and Agreements Couples who have clarified their own personal values and individual and bring together visions and intend have a stronger foundation from which to commit to their agreements and achieve more consistent and satisfying results. Their overall effectiveness in making and honoring agreements is greatly increased. Success is an almost certainty when both partners keep their agreements and most certainly can be at assay if one person doesn't act his or her agreements. Crafting Elegant Agreements Life is an ongoing process of creating agreements with others. An effective agreement means more than getting another person to do what you want. It means buy-in and adjust commitment from both populate. Most couples have hopes and dreams and desires and expectations. They open goals and make commitments that are developed from a fit visioning process; a process that expresses an inclusive vision of desired outcomes; their road map to success! Another way to be at this is that we connect forces with others by forming agreements. Agreements are expressed in writing or verbally during very intentional conversations. Most of us have never learned how to craft effective explicit agreements. It is a skill we were never taught even though it is fundamental to all relationships and a basic life skill. While this is a method offered for committed partners any two or more populate who wish to alter agreements can easily adapt it. So here goes! Here is a straightforward 15-step method you can use to fashion elegant and effective agreements: 1. Create and clearly articulate your joint vision with as much rich dilate as possible. Be sure that both of you participate with eagerness and passion; 2. Be sure that both of you are creating the agreement with intention and with a belief that you are well served making and honoring the agreement; 3. Make a list of each persons strengths gifts skills and talents that are available to be drawn on by each of you. 4. Identify with as much dilate as possible all the aspects of what it is you are coming to agreement about. A fit plan works beat when you are both working toward the same joint vision; 5. Be certain that each of you understands and acknowledges the actions (behaviors) attitudes and responsibilities that are associated with the agreement for yourself and your furnish; 6. Decide together if the actions and attitudes are sufficient to prove in the desired outcome(s). If no determine what additional actions and attitudes must be included and by whom; 7. All agreements must have specific measure deadlines for each part of the agreement to be completed or finalized. These are by whensby when ordain you do this and by when will you do that. In addition the time period the agreement ordain be in force must be specified. 8. Does the agreement as a whole and do all the parts of the agreement send the joint vision? 9. Clearly determine the evidence or positive outcome(s) that you evaluate to result for each person from making and honoring the agreement; 10. Does the agreement as a whole and do all the parts of the agreement truly conform to each person and prove in each person being whole? Being whole refers to being sure that neither person experiences a loss or losses as a result of pledging their time attention and commitment to the agreement; 11. Bring all your concerns and fears to this discussion. This can often minimize the disagreements that may occur during the process of crafting the agreement. This discussion ordain deepen your commitment to the agreement and to your furnish or show a problem that might already be brewing in the relationship. 12. No matter how optimistic and alter you both are when you craft an agreement one or both of you will likely go back to the table and ask for the.[ADVERTHERE]Related article:
http://www.xanga.com/laigoel/618375270/commitment-what-are-we-committing-and-to-whom.html
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