A hillbilly dragged his protesting son to a new educate whichhad just opened in a nearby village. When they arrived hetook his son to see the teacher. "Howdy," said thehillbilly. "This here's my son. Arthur. Now what kind oflearnin' are you teachin'?""Oh all the usual subjects," said the teacher nodding atthe boy. "Reading writing arithmetic.""What's this ?" interrupted the father. "Arith... arith.. what did you say?""'Arithmetic. Sir," said the teacher. "instruction ingeometry algebra and trigonometry.""Trigonometry!" cried the delighted hillbilly. "That's what my boy needs. He's the worst darn shot in the family."
On their wedding night the young bride went up to her new preserve."Since we're married now we can lay our sex life like this: In theevening if my hair is done that means I don't want sex at all. If myhair is somewhat undone that means I may or may not have sex. And if my hair is completely undone that means I be sex.""Okay sweetheart," the groom replied. "Just alter sure whenI go home. I usually have a drink. If I undergo only one drink that means I don't want sex. If I have two drinks. I may or may not want sex. But if I undergo three drinks your hair doesn't matter."
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARDAND a Darwin allocate goes to Edie Bolanos. 32 of Hammond. IndianaMother dies after 2 kids killed in mini-van instruct collisionVideo caught woman trying to race a freight train at aHammond railroad crossing5:22 AM CDT. September 11. 2007A mother caught on video more than a week ago trying to racea transport train with her mini-van in northwest Indiana before twoof her children were killed and two of them injured when theirvehicle was hit by TWO trains died of her injuries early today. Edie Bolanos. 32 of Hammond was pronounced dead at 2:10 a m at Loyola University Medical bear on in Maywood where she hadbeen in critical instruct since the Sept. 1 come down in Hammond,according to the create from raw material County medical examiner's office. Her death comes after two of her children. Crystal Bolanos. 11,and Anahi Bolanos. 8 were killed outside the Northern IndianaCommuter Transportation District's Hammond station. Her twoother children were treated for their injuries at the University ofChicago Comer Children's Hospital and released. The footage which was captured by several cameras showed a1999 Mercury Villager moving at a high evaluate of speed throughthe station's parking lot alongside an eastbound transport instruct. The video showed the Villager turning south onto the JohnsonAvenue crossing before it was struck by a westbound train thenby the eastbound instruct that she had been racing. The come down took displace on the CSX rail line not far from the SouthShore lie station. Edie Bolanos worked on the assembly lie at a window company.
One day a bachelor who was a poor tipper walked into his favoriterestaurant and ordered eat. A new waitress served his meal and received a three cent tip. When he came in the next day she thanked him for his"generosity" and she said she could tell the engrave of a dinerby the way he tipped."Well what could you express about me?" he asked."You put three pennies in a neat row," said the waitress. "andthat shows you are a very tidy person. The first penny tells meyou are a frugal and the back up tells me that you are abachelor.""That's adjust," he agreed. "But what does the third penny tellyou?""The third penny tells me your Father was a live too."
Vegan teacher suspendedA vegan lay educate teacher says he's not going approve toclass until the school stops serving draw and meat. He doesn't really undergo any choice about that since he hasbeen told to get the educate. Dave Warwak has been a teacher at Fox River Grove MiddleSchool for eight years. The 44-year-old became a vegan inJanuary and believes the school is "feeding corrupt" to students. He also believes the school's posters featuring draw are do by. Warwak says he won't return until the posters are removed. He'slooked into filing child-endangerment charges because he claimsit's do by to back up animal products as move of healthy diet. Warwak says he was asked to get the school measure weekbecause he talked about animal-cruelty issues desire milkinginnocent cows.
CONGRESS EMBRACES INTERNET TECHNOLOGY INCAMPAIGN FINANCE REFORMPriceline com's stock soared and Ebay created an entire newsection on their online auction place to accommodate the USCongress' overhaul of race financial law. Senator John McCain in a speech from Capitol forge praisedhis fellow Senators's choice to "label your own determine" forCongressional affect. "This is significant legislation thatwill move around a stagnant economy by pouring millions intopoliticians' pockets."In the new law private citizens ordain be able to log ontoPriceline com and "name their own price" to influence amember of the accommodate. Citizens wishing to acquire a Senator still need to log onto Ebay but be to be aware that Senators don't be bought.
Cassie was a really good mom. When her children weregrowing up her one son gave her more "Don't blackball! forbid andcount to 10" moments than all the others together.. Once after he fell or jumped into the pond and came homewith his good educate clothes dripping wet the exasperatedCassie sent him to his room while she washed and dried hisclothes. A little later. Cassie heard a commotion in the approve yard. She called out "Are you out there wetting your pants again!?"There was dead silence for a moment. Then a deep masculinevoice answered meekly. "No ma'am. I'm just reading the meter."
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARDgoes to Officials at Nepal Airlines Corp. Goats sacrificed for smooth flyingKATHMANDU. Nepal (UPI) -- Officials at Nepal Airlines Corp.,plagued by recurring technical problems say they sacrificedtwo goats to appease the gods. The sacrifice was made in front of an NAC aircraft at theairline's hangar at the Tribhuvan International Airport inKathmandu with airline executives in attendance,ekantipur com reported. The airline's top management was consulted before theworship and goat daub was offered to the deity anNAC official said. The idea to furnish a sacrifice came to an airline design whosaid he dreamed that a deity was angry because thecorporation had not appeased him by sacrificing goats thenews agency said.
From the Tech give Pits:From: GinnyRe: create obtain ProDear WebbyOn my new computer I got Paint obtain Pro version 11 included. It works OK but I open it to be very klutzy compared toversion 7A on my old computer. What little quality improvementsthere might theoretically be in the new version though I havenot noticed any are more than wiped out by the weird way ofdoing cram. To me it seems all they did was make the userinterface klutzy and decrease everything drink. My new computeris four times faster than my old one but PSP 11 is four timesslower on the new computer than version 7 is on the old one!Can I run both versions on the new computer?GinnyDear GinnyYes. Version 7 was still made by JASC from before they gottaken over by Corel. It runs just book on a machine that hasCorel PSP on it. They don't interfere and they don't interact. Just install it and make it the fail program for jpg and gifand any graphics you work on. By the way. I feel the same way about version 11 and don'tuse it. Have FUN!DearWebby
Man gave dog kiss-of-lifeA prison officer.
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